Deluding yourself into thinking you're someone else
by AnkleBoots
Summary: Caroline has always wanted to be Buffy Summers. - examines Caroline's development over the first three seasons. Caroline centric, slight Klaroline. One-shot.


Deluding yourself into thinking you're someone else

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Description: The evolution of Caroline's sense of self. Heavy on Buffy parallels, but can be read with having seen the show. Caroline centric with slight Klaroline.

Note: Diverges from canon some unspecified time in S3. Details do not play hugely into this fic.

Caroline Forbes used to wish that she could be Buffy Summers. She didn't want to fight vampires and demons or anything like that. But she wanted to be important. Buffy was a powerful, sassy blonde that everyone paid attention to. She was loved, the centre of attention, undeniably important. Everything Caroline wished she could be. She almost convinced herself of it a few times. That she could be the Buffy of Mystic Falls. But she knew she was lying to herself. Everyone knew Elena was the star of the show.

*** CF CF CF ***

When Damon Salvatore came to town she thought for a while that at least part of her Buffy dreams came true. Although he flicked through Eclipse and mocked her taste, she didn't picture him as Edward Cullen, but Angel. The dark haired mysterious older guy, who turned out to be a vampire. She deluded herself into believing in their star crossed romance, tying her to him just as much as his compulsion. But she knew she was lying to herself. Damon was nothing like Angel. And he certainly didn't love her.

*** CF CF CF ***

After she turned, Caroline spent a lot more time thinking about Buffy. Sure, all the details and mythology was wrong, but Buffy was a high school girl with a big vampire secret, like her. Maybe, just maybe, she could be Buffy. But against her own will, the real roles in this story soon became clear to her.

Elena was Buffy. Oh, sure, she didn't have Buffy's strength or power, relying on others to all the actual fighting. But she was unquestionably the central figure in this narrative. It was almost as if everyone else's belief in her made her so. And with the casting choice made there was nothing Caroline could do to change it. No way she could show that with her vampire strength and blonde hair and wit she was so much better suited to the role. Just look at how everyone else settled into their positions around perfect, perfect Elena.

Bonnie was Willow. The witchy best friend to the star. Sensible, dependable. Important in her own right, yet willing to let Elena shine just a bit brighter. She accepted her secondary nature in a way Caroline never could, raising her own importance in the process.

It was not Damon, but Stefan who was Angel. Elena's Angel. Devoted and broody. Possessing a dark history of murder as a ripper, who was just as split from regular Stefan as Angelus from Angel. Damon was Spike. Originally obsessed with his crazy, bitchy sire, now panting after Elena, torn between proving himself worthy of her love and protecting his rep as a badass.

Matt was Xander. The human friend who was (not so) secretly in love with the star. The one who wasn't interesting or important enough to attract her attention (for long anyway). No, Elena was too deep for that. Caroline guessed that made her Cordelia Chase. Shallow and peripheral. For a long time totally clueless, and when she finally discovered the truth it was by accident, not because anyone thought her important enough to take into their confidence. Matt's second choice. Judged by Bonnie (even if that stemmed from her vampirism rather than a history of bullying). She'd even gone after Stefan when he'd first moved here, just like Cordelia. And just like Angel he'd immediately rejected her, going after someone deeper.

But she knew she was lying to herself. Cordelia Chase had a future on Angel. She would become a prophet, a heroine, someone worthy of love and respect. Caroline knew that none of that was in her future.

*** CF CF CF ***

Caroline Forbes was no Buffy Summers. She wasn't even a Cordelia Chase. Caroline Forbes was Harmony Kendall. Silly Harmony, obsessed with her stupid high school politics, long after everyone else had moved on. Harmony who was turned in an accident that was only slightly less important that her delivery of Katherine's two word message. Harmony who stayed with Spike the abusive boyfriend. And just as Spike had treated Harmony like dirt only to turn around and become pathetically whipped over Buffy, so Damon had ignored all she had done for him, running after Elena, who'd never cared two straws for him. Harmony who had deluded herself into thinking she was actually important, over and over again. Harmony who was hardly more than an extra, ascended from the background so that the audience could laugh at her.

Caroline tried to avoid facing it, telling herself she could be more than that. But she knew she was lying to herself. Harmony Kendall would never be deep like an abyss.

*** CF CF CF ***

But then aberrations stared to occur. She was supposed to be early Cordelia and Harmony mixed together. So who was Tyler? Why was he acting like she as important? It was like she'd stumbled into some side plot never explored on the show. But Tyler betrayed her and left town, so maybe that's why this storyline had been cut. It was a false hope, leading nowhere. Sure, Tyler came back. And left. And came back. And she did get caught up in him, hoping for more. But she knew she was lying to herself. This wasn't her tale of epic love. Leave that to Elena. She was just getting distracted on the sidelines while everyone else stuck to the main story.

*** CF CF CF ***

Then along came Klaus. Not Klaus the villain, who had tried to sacrifice her without ever meeting her, not the Klaus who who thought about doppelgängers and hybrids. No, she meant the Klaus who became obsessed with her, the one who thought she was full of light, the one who thought she was special. The one who was in love with her. And that just wasn't possible. The most powerful being on the earth did not fall in love with Harmony, or even Cordelia. Hell, even Buffy's biggest bads had never fallen for her (Spike wasn't threatening for very long, after all).

Looking at Elena, universally adored Elena, who had everyone else fawning over her, who looked like Tatia, Klaus' first, possibly only other, love, Caroline just couldn't understand it. Why was Klaus looking at her? Didn't he understand her place? How utterly insignificant she truly was? Sometimes she tried to believe that he saw something in her that no one else could see, some value everyone else had overlooked. But she knew she was lying to herself. Klaus had just made some kind of mistake. He had to have. Because there was nothing to see.

*** CF CF CF ***

She realised that she was drifting away from everyone else, finding herself feeling detached from all the Mystic Falls drama. She was so swept up in all that Klaus offered her. And really, what did that matter? No one here had ever wanted her as the main character. So why bother trying?

She thought about Harmony in Angel season five. How she slept with Marcus Hamilton, who had only ever been using her. She tried to use that as an excuse when she finally succumbed to Klaus, spending the night in his arms. She was just following the script. But she knew she was lying to herself. Klaus wasn't using her to discover secret Salvatore plans. He really wanted her. It was ironic that after wanting to be someone's Buffy for so long she was having so much trouble accepting it now that it had happened.

*** CF CF CF ***

When Klaus asked her to leave with him she didn't hesitate. No one needed her here. And god knows there was nothing in Mystic Falls for her. Everything in this town was there for Elena. Honestly, she'd never really understood why Elena got to be Buffy, it was the role that made the least sense and yet it was the one everyone seemed the most sure of. She didn't need to stay and watch one more minute of the Elena show, so she wouldn't.

She left with very little fanfare, packing and quietly informing all the relevant parties over the course of a day before making her departure. Klaus told her she was moving beyond all these people, to a world that was bigger and better, more deserving of her. She found herself believing him, thinking that maybe Mystic Falls had been nothing but a prelude to the fabulous life she had ahead. She tried to stamp out the idea, remind herself of her flaws, remind herself that she could never be the one. But she was sick of lying to herself. Maybe the reason she never got to be Buffy was because she was always meant for something larger.

The world better watch out, 'cause one little small town TV show is nowhere near big enough a stage for Caroline Forbes.


End file.
